New Year, New You - Pizza Horoscopes
Start the year off by checking your pizza horoscope. Make sure you're aligned with your sign and operating within your comfort zone.
Hi there!
Working on a few other items, so enjoy the pizza horoscopes below.
Pizza Horoscopes
Peppero (January 1st – February 22nd): A can rhythmically rolls down the steps, one clunk at a time. The churn of metal on concrete grows louder as it picks up speed. Spinning ever faster, it zips across the street, through pedestrians and past busy store fronts. The contents spin together at first, but as it picks up speeds the centrifugal force separates the content of the can. With a thunk it hits your door. Out of curiosity you open it and find that the can of tomato sauce has separated into tomato, a bit of salt and oil. You realize the simplicity of the sauce is what makes great sauce. You wonder if other things can be greater by reducing the sum of its parts.
Mozzini (February 23rd – May 9th): You prepare meticulously for an upcoming pizza party. The cooler is filled with ice, party streamers hang from your sturdy and stunning rafters. Music wafts through the air and your pizza making station is ready to make the best pizza any one of your guests will taste. Your pepperoni is ready to curl, gobs of cheese sit in your cheese bowl and the sauce is room temperature and ready to be spooned. The guest will be here momentarily so you grab your dough. Your hand reaches into the refrigerator and returns empty. You check again and again. But the dough can not be found. You forgot the most important aspect: the dough.
Dougheo (May 10th – July 4th): Going into a pizza parlor you notice the wonderful scents, festive pizzas and happy families that are chowing down on pizza. You get to the counter and see an assortment of slices, squares, rectangular pizza, thin, thick. How is one suppose to choose from a bounty of heavenly slices? You reach into your pocket and pull out a scrap of paper from a friend that reads “go square.” Even though you may feel alone, you are only a scrap a paper away from a true friend.
Sicilaurus (July 5th – November 6th) How do you rate pizza? Do you bring out a protractor and ruler to measure the rise of the crust, the depth of the bubbles? Or do you use a PH meter to test the acidity of the sauce? Maybe you leave the tools and equipment at home and rely only on the ridges scattered across your tongue. No matter your manner, as long as your heart flutters as you bite into that pizza you’re on the right track.
Greasonis (November 7th – December 31st): The world is a large ball of dough that is inflating wildly. It’s growing in gross, exhausting ways. No matter how many times you punch the dough down it bounces right back up. The battle can seem never ending, but you know you must outlast your dough. You can’t let it take over. Without your vigilance it will soon take over the kitchen, then swallow the rest of your house. Band together with fellow pizza enthusiasts to fight this dough back and wrangle the out of control gas giant.
Lox Pizza Invention
Over the holidays we all got a little cooky and Eric here invented a pizza. It’s a Sicilian style pizza base topped with cream cheese, capers and lox. Maybe coming soon to a deli near you? Hard to say, but it’s a blend of two great things that go well with a cup of coffee. Ask your local deli to stock this fine delicacy.
Thanks for reading! Hope your horoscopes guide you along your pizza path.
Thanks and pizza ya later!
-Dan Tallarico, Pizza Journalist