March Pizza Horoscopes + Soggy Pizza Adventure
What do your pizza horoscopes have to say for the coming month? Prepare yourself for your saucy, cheesy future.
Soggy Pizza Journey
Hi there! Yesterday Charlie and I were deciding on what pizza to grab for a Thursday night dinner. Charlie has been on a Spak kick and while I wanted to go to Driftwood Oven to crush a round slice, she very politely asked we get Spak pizza and some French fries. I couldn’t say no to a polite four year old so I placed the Spak order.
Thirty minutes later we left the house to go to Spak. One thing was missing - the car! We didn’t realize that Christa had taken it to meet some pals for Happy Hour. We live about half a mile from Spak and when I told Charlie the situation she sprung into action.
Charlie does not like to wear a coat. We often ferry her from the house to the car in the dead of winter while she wears only a sleeveless dress. But she knew that standing between herself and Spak pizza was a journey through the rain.
She very quickly put on her light coat then her heavy red coat, a coat she especially loathes. Knowing the trip would be dreadfully cold she double-upped on coats! We left the house and marched down to Spak and returned with a pizza, fries and hoagie that were delicious after a soggy saunter down Penn Ave.
March Pizza Horoscopes
Peppero (January 1st – February 22nd): That burning sensation developing in your chest is a sign that you missed your opportunity. As the sun steadily sets on your season, you need to refocus and center your energy. You’ve been spreading yourself thin and devouring handfuls of cured meats with such force your body is rebelling against itself. Your body is your one true asset in this world, don’t make it an enemy.
Mozzini (February 23rd – May 9th): Welcome to Mozzini season. This time of year you’ll find you are more pliable, can sense the salt floating through the air. And dare I say it, you’re creamier too. In a good way. While this is your time to shine, be wary of stretching yourself too thin. Knowing your limits and being able to push up against the edge of the crust is what makes a great Mozzini an amazing Mozzini.
Dougheo (May 10th – July 4th): You are bubbling and brooding around your home, waiting for the perfect time to rise up and pounce from the fridge. The cold surrounds you, slowing down your molecules and ensuring that you ripen up perfectly. Do not mistake your cold comfort for a bad time. Slowing down allows you to bubble up and grow even more. Enjoy the time in the fridge and understand you won’t be stuck there forever.
Sicilaurus (July 5th – November 6th) You lust for the crunch of life, chomping your molars into all manners of objects. Will this crust give you the crunch you’re looking for? No, the dough deflates like a toaster falling on a whoopee cushion. You try your old reliable, but the crunch is a meager pop. The crunch in your life is escaping you and when this happens it’s time to focus on other aspects. Maybe you get into the stretchiness of the cheese? Or the zing of the sauce? Focusing only on the crunch means you’re missing out on other great things.
Greasonis (November 7th – December 31st): You’re at a pizza party and there’s one slice left. You’re surrounded by friends, some strangers and family. The purpose of the event is not important. But you are using your overflowing emotional intelligence to measure the fullness of everyone at the party. Stacy seems satisfied. Martin looks miserable, they must be fool. Carl is craving something sweet. Maybe the path is clear for you to grab that last slice of pizza. But will you be bold enough to follow your heart?
Thanks for reading! Not a ton of pizza news this week so hope your horoscopes guide you along your pizza path.
Thanks and pizza ya later!
-Dan Tallarico, Pizza Journalist